Introduction
As an attention getter, he used the simple but thought provoking sentence, "Thinking is a very nice exercise when you are young."
Thesis
His subject is freedom as a new immigrant, and his attitude is that freedom isn't quite what he expected it to be at first.
Body Paragraph #1
Topic - Being discreet in your expression of freedom.
Support - Snow is new to him, and eating it off a windowsill gets him in trouble.
Body Paragraph #2
Topic - If you want freedom, you better be able to take care of yourself.
Support - Jorif goes to his mother to replace a button on his school uniform; she instead gives him a lesson in sewing.
Body Paragraph #3
Topic - Freedom can mean being all alone in a crowd.
Support - As an immigrant, he is stared at when he is able to recite and understand part of the Declaration of Independence.
Conclusion
Jorif continually thought about the meaning of freedom as he was growing up, and found he sometimes had to follow other peoples' interpretations of freedom to make his life easier.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
You did a good job on your outline. I think you had of the more challenging assignments. It consists of all the basics of an outline. I don't see too much that I think you could improve on. I specifically like your support in paragraph #2. It's the same concept of instead of giving a person some fish you teach them how to fish so next time they don't need the help. Well done I would say.
ReplyDeleteI really liked this story, it reminds me of being a little kid again. Anyway, I really think you guys did a great job on summing it up. You got all the key points in each paragraph and seems as though you had a good grasp of it all in the conclusion.
ReplyDeleteI think you are right on with the thesis here. The only major suggestion I have is to perhaps list "topic" as "analysis"--what you have listed as "topic" here is more like analysis--what Jorif wants us to learn from the essay. Also, where might you include transitions?
ReplyDeleteThis outline is wrriten well. It hits mostly all the key points. I'm not too sure there is anything I could tell you to improve on. I think you hit the assignment right on the nose. Great job!
ReplyDeleteThis is great work! When I first saw this I thought it was well written, and your group members followed the assignment's instructions really well. You clearly state the individual parts of the essay,(topic, paragraph, conclusion), and you present information from the story really well. If there is one change I would suggest it would be to add a bit more information from the story, but you did so well at what you were suppose to do that I don't know if that is necessary. Great work!
ReplyDeleteI think of a outline more as just brief words than full and complete sentences. Obviously for this purpose you would want to write more formally so everyone could nderstand. This is good because it gives some insight into the idea of outlining if it is going to be something someone else has to read and understand.
ReplyDeleteI think the outline is very good! it seems like you captured all the topic sentances and really understood what you had to read! I think that if the outline explained the story you had to read a little more it would be more complete. But otherwise i think this assignment was a little more challenging then the rest! good job!
ReplyDeleteI think you guys covered all the areas of the outline very well, I don't believe it could have been done any better!
ReplyDeleteI think you did a great job with your summary. Your examples are really well thought out. Freedom comes in many ways and you did a great job of listing them out so people are more interested in reading the entire story. I just love your topic sentance. We all should do that more often.
ReplyDeleteYour outline is very good. It has all the information in it that would even allow me to follow what your plan is and write a paper off your outline. Good Job!!
ReplyDelete